When your life becomes centered around the band this is what causes the most problems. When the guys are making a billion dollars a year you tend to overlook those things. But when they aren't making a billion dollars a year you tend to need them around more. The hardest thing is when we have to change plans or put things on hold because we don't know if a practice is being called or a show has been planned. So I usually sit around pouting but know it doesn't matter. I either attend his function, or attend the other function by myself. Ahhh such is this life I suppose.
There are 2 times of the year (excluding major holidays) that I know what I want counts and that is my birthday and our anniversary- Which we just had yesterday thankyouverymuch. 7 years. Those days are for us to do whatever I want. If that means he wears a pink tutu all over town he would. I've never asked him to because of the embarassment I'd have. I look forward to those days all year long. The other days are up for grabs.
The times when the practice and 2 hour late night phone calls pays off, is when the radio station calls and wants him to do a radio show, or wants his band to open for the hot show. When bars all over are calling him to book gigs, when a little 9 year old boy shows up at our house at 10pm with his uncle and is all googlie eyed about meeting the drummer for his favorite band and gettin a broken drumstick and his picture taken with him. When you get the call to do a benefit for someone who has a disease or was in a bad accident. When you can make that person smile for the first time in a long time. Those are when it pays off. NOt just in money but when you can say you truely entertained someone.
Since I'm a giver I volunteer his band for any organization I'm involved in. He's done the American Cancer Society Relay for Life, a Benefit show for the families of National Guard troops that were deployed, about a thousand benefits for random people that are from our community. When people want music I volunteer my husband and that's that.
So today's lesson is this. Yes being married to a guy in a band is a pain. But when you are active in your community and they need musicians-volunteer your husband. It's called networking and he may be asked to do it again and again.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Today we will be addressing dancing. Yours and the people on the dance floor.
Once people realize you are with the band random drunkies will come up thinking it's ok to grind your backside. Nothing could be further from the truth. You must remain nice politely smile and dance away. If they follow you it is ok for another band wife or friend to dirty dance with you in hopes that the offending drunkie will go away.
Dancing on the bar: Everyone wants to do it and in clubs like Coyote Ugly they encourage it. It's been known to happen around here but for the most part keep your butt off the bar unless told otherwise by the bartender or owner. Sometimes the band will have sets of speakers that could hold a couple of people. If your band is ok with the go-go-esk set up then fine by all means rock out--I've done it lots. But be warned if you do it then again random drunkies will feel they need to do this too.
Dancing at the table: this tends to happen a lot. Someone gets wasted and gets in the chair. DON'T DO IT!!! the chairs in some of these places are not set up for stand dancing in them they will come crashing down, and you'll not only be hurt but embarrassed tomorrow too. Same goes for the tables.
Dancing period----Not all of us can dance but I promise you there will be someone out there that dances worse than you. But if you don't have a pole in front of you don't act like a stripper. Remember that if your wearing a skirt WEAR UNDERWEAR!! If your friend is too drunk and acting like that get her off the floor and to either the bathroom or the table. Friends don't let friends get laughed at.
Dancing with other men--you may fast dance with about any other man. Slow dancing is reserved for mutual friends of you and your husband/boyfriend (furthermore referred to as SO=significant other)All of these things should be discussed with your SO so that everyone is on the same page, but they need to understand that if they are playing all your favorite slow songs you should be able to dance to them. Most bands have some sort of following, be it friends, family, whatever some people you know will be there. Pick one of those guys and designate him your slow dancer. If you dance with the same guy all the time it stops 2 things 1.people from saying your a cheater and 2.Nasty toothless old smelly guys from wanting you to dance. That brings us to the next subject
The turndown: So you are going to get the worst guys in the bar to ask you to dance. THE WORST, why because any of the guys that showered that day know who you are and that your man could shove a drum stick in his eye from 30 feet away. The best way to handle this is to politely say "No Thanks". Sound easy right WRONG!! these are the guys that don't take no for an answer. Because we don't know how people's tempers ignite it's best not to get smart, however it is totally acceptable to freak out if he so much as touches your hand, then he'll think your crazier than him and back off. Start talking to your self and scratching that usually does it. He's gone and you can go back to having a great time and they just think your crazy and not a bitch. Everyone wins. But remember you can't turn down one guy in his group and dance with others. That's not fair. Even though you want to say "hey if you'd bothered to put on some deodorant, a clean outfit, and took a shower today I might dance with ya" you can't.
So lets review
nasty toothless skanky chicks will try to grind you
unless your invited you are not Tyra banks so stay off the bar
tables are not for dancing on-remember your drinks are on there and who knows what your shoes have on them.
wear underwear with a skirt, don't dance like a stripper, and don't let your friends act stupid
your ok to dance with other men as long as your SO doesn't mind
stinky old gross men want to dance with you. you can if you want but it's really not fair to give them false hope.
I'm out!
S.
Once people realize you are with the band random drunkies will come up thinking it's ok to grind your backside. Nothing could be further from the truth. You must remain nice politely smile and dance away. If they follow you it is ok for another band wife or friend to dirty dance with you in hopes that the offending drunkie will go away.
Dancing on the bar: Everyone wants to do it and in clubs like Coyote Ugly they encourage it. It's been known to happen around here but for the most part keep your butt off the bar unless told otherwise by the bartender or owner. Sometimes the band will have sets of speakers that could hold a couple of people. If your band is ok with the go-go-esk set up then fine by all means rock out--I've done it lots. But be warned if you do it then again random drunkies will feel they need to do this too.
Dancing at the table: this tends to happen a lot. Someone gets wasted and gets in the chair. DON'T DO IT!!! the chairs in some of these places are not set up for stand dancing in them they will come crashing down, and you'll not only be hurt but embarrassed tomorrow too. Same goes for the tables.
Dancing period----Not all of us can dance but I promise you there will be someone out there that dances worse than you. But if you don't have a pole in front of you don't act like a stripper. Remember that if your wearing a skirt WEAR UNDERWEAR!! If your friend is too drunk and acting like that get her off the floor and to either the bathroom or the table. Friends don't let friends get laughed at.
Dancing with other men--you may fast dance with about any other man. Slow dancing is reserved for mutual friends of you and your husband/boyfriend (furthermore referred to as SO=significant other)All of these things should be discussed with your SO so that everyone is on the same page, but they need to understand that if they are playing all your favorite slow songs you should be able to dance to them. Most bands have some sort of following, be it friends, family, whatever some people you know will be there. Pick one of those guys and designate him your slow dancer. If you dance with the same guy all the time it stops 2 things 1.people from saying your a cheater and 2.Nasty toothless old smelly guys from wanting you to dance. That brings us to the next subject
The turndown: So you are going to get the worst guys in the bar to ask you to dance. THE WORST, why because any of the guys that showered that day know who you are and that your man could shove a drum stick in his eye from 30 feet away. The best way to handle this is to politely say "No Thanks". Sound easy right WRONG!! these are the guys that don't take no for an answer. Because we don't know how people's tempers ignite it's best not to get smart, however it is totally acceptable to freak out if he so much as touches your hand, then he'll think your crazier than him and back off. Start talking to your self and scratching that usually does it. He's gone and you can go back to having a great time and they just think your crazy and not a bitch. Everyone wins. But remember you can't turn down one guy in his group and dance with others. That's not fair. Even though you want to say "hey if you'd bothered to put on some deodorant, a clean outfit, and took a shower today I might dance with ya" you can't.
So lets review
nasty toothless skanky chicks will try to grind you
unless your invited you are not Tyra banks so stay off the bar
tables are not for dancing on-remember your drinks are on there and who knows what your shoes have on them.
wear underwear with a skirt, don't dance like a stripper, and don't let your friends act stupid
your ok to dance with other men as long as your SO doesn't mind
stinky old gross men want to dance with you. you can if you want but it's really not fair to give them false hope.
I'm out!
S.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
How it all began
So the first night I met my husband, D, was interesting and fun. But when he told me he was starting a new band I knew I was in for a strange ride. I was right.
So was my dad when I told him I was dating a guy in a band and he told me I'd always be number 2. Not that my husband would let me lay in a hospital dying while he was out jamming out some tunes, but as far as activities go his def. come first.
He always says it's work, because he's getting paid for it. Ok whatever.
Secretly I love that he's in a band. I love to go out and watch the people and not have to pay to get in. But yeah once in a while I'd like to not change my plans because we have to go to some ratty bar.
I've learned alot about people. Most people are a facade. They are like a hallway. all the doors closed and things look pretty good. But you open up that one and figure out why the owners had it closed.
The first band he was in broke me into the music world real good and I swore I wouldn't let another newbie in without certain pieces of information.
1. People are nice to you most of the time because you are with the band. They will turn on you quick if you are no longer with the band.
2.Even though you are the woman and have much better ideas they are only suggestions and 99% will be thrown to the wayside until someone else does it then "we were wrong we should have listened to you" but they never learn.
3."get used to it" the #1 catch phrase in a musical relationship. You could be dying, sleep deprived, gotta work at 5am. They say they aren't' going to tear down. 30 minutes later when it could have already been torn down and you on your way home they decide to tear down. AHHHHHH and they say women make no sense. But when you remind them of your ailment they say "you should be used to this" or if your new "get used to it". Well guess what jack you should be used to me wanting to go home when it's almost daylight. Gee what was I thinking.
4.Things that you don't do.
a. Demand something of them when they are on stage. That's a quick way to have to find a new ride home and new place to live.
b. Just because the ladies are talking to them doesn't mean anything. Whey they are sticking their tongue in your mans ear, get up walk over to the bouncer and ask him to remove her from the stage, wait until she's in the ladies room then tell her POLITELY to stay the hell away from him. Usually she'll just blow it off, or she'll apologize. Either way LET IT GO, remember that what you do in the club ultimately reflects on the band. If they don't play you don't party.
c. Don't think you get everything for free. Cover charge is one thing drinks are another. Most places will either give the wives/dates the drinks for free or at a discount. Some places do not. Live with it.
Signing off for now.
S,.
So was my dad when I told him I was dating a guy in a band and he told me I'd always be number 2. Not that my husband would let me lay in a hospital dying while he was out jamming out some tunes, but as far as activities go his def. come first.
He always says it's work, because he's getting paid for it. Ok whatever.
Secretly I love that he's in a band. I love to go out and watch the people and not have to pay to get in. But yeah once in a while I'd like to not change my plans because we have to go to some ratty bar.
I've learned alot about people. Most people are a facade. They are like a hallway. all the doors closed and things look pretty good. But you open up that one and figure out why the owners had it closed.
The first band he was in broke me into the music world real good and I swore I wouldn't let another newbie in without certain pieces of information.
1. People are nice to you most of the time because you are with the band. They will turn on you quick if you are no longer with the band.
2.Even though you are the woman and have much better ideas they are only suggestions and 99% will be thrown to the wayside until someone else does it then "we were wrong we should have listened to you" but they never learn.
3."get used to it" the #1 catch phrase in a musical relationship. You could be dying, sleep deprived, gotta work at 5am. They say they aren't' going to tear down. 30 minutes later when it could have already been torn down and you on your way home they decide to tear down. AHHHHHH and they say women make no sense. But when you remind them of your ailment they say "you should be used to this" or if your new "get used to it". Well guess what jack you should be used to me wanting to go home when it's almost daylight. Gee what was I thinking.
4.Things that you don't do.
a. Demand something of them when they are on stage. That's a quick way to have to find a new ride home and new place to live.
b. Just because the ladies are talking to them doesn't mean anything. Whey they are sticking their tongue in your mans ear, get up walk over to the bouncer and ask him to remove her from the stage, wait until she's in the ladies room then tell her POLITELY to stay the hell away from him. Usually she'll just blow it off, or she'll apologize. Either way LET IT GO, remember that what you do in the club ultimately reflects on the band. If they don't play you don't party.
c. Don't think you get everything for free. Cover charge is one thing drinks are another. Most places will either give the wives/dates the drinks for free or at a discount. Some places do not. Live with it.
Signing off for now.
S,.
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