Today we will be addressing dancing. Yours and the people on the dance floor.

Once people realize you are with the band random drunkies will come up thinking it's ok to grind your backside. Nothing could be further from the truth. You must remain nice politely smile and dance away. If they follow you it is ok for another band wife or friend to dirty dance with you in hopes that the offending drunkie will go away.

Dancing on the bar: Everyone wants to do it and in clubs like Coyote Ugly they encourage it. It's been known to happen around here but for the most part keep your butt off the bar unless told otherwise by the bartender or owner. Sometimes the band will have sets of speakers that could hold a couple of people. If your band is ok with the go-go-esk set up then fine by all means rock out--I've done it lots. But be warned if you do it then again random drunkies will feel they need to do this too.

Dancing at the table: this tends to happen a lot. Someone gets wasted and gets in the chair. DON'T DO IT!!! the chairs in some of these places are not set up for stand dancing in them they will come crashing down, and you'll not only be hurt but embarrassed tomorrow too. Same goes for the tables.

Dancing period----Not all of us can dance but I promise you there will be someone out there that dances worse than you. But if you don't have a pole in front of you don't act like a stripper. Remember that if your wearing a skirt WEAR UNDERWEAR!! If your friend is too drunk and acting like that get her off the floor and to either the bathroom or the table. Friends don't let friends get laughed at.

Dancing with other men--you may fast dance with about any other man. Slow dancing is reserved for mutual friends of you and your husband/boyfriend (furthermore referred to as SO=significant other)All of these things should be discussed with your SO so that everyone is on the same page, but they need to understand that if they are playing all your favorite slow songs you should be able to dance to them. Most bands have some sort of following, be it friends, family, whatever some people you know will be there. Pick one of those guys and designate him your slow dancer. If you dance with the same guy all the time it stops 2 things 1.people from saying your a cheater and 2.Nasty toothless old smelly guys from wanting you to dance. That brings us to the next subject

The turndown: So you are going to get the worst guys in the bar to ask you to dance. THE WORST, why because any of the guys that showered that day know who you are and that your man could shove a drum stick in his eye from 30 feet away. The best way to handle this is to politely say "No Thanks". Sound easy right WRONG!! these are the guys that don't take no for an answer. Because we don't know how people's tempers ignite it's best not to get smart, however it is totally acceptable to freak out if he so much as touches your hand, then he'll think your crazier than him and back off. Start talking to your self and scratching that usually does it. He's gone and you can go back to having a great time and they just think your crazy and not a bitch. Everyone wins. But remember you can't turn down one guy in his group and dance with others. That's not fair. Even though you want to say "hey if you'd bothered to put on some deodorant, a clean outfit, and took a shower today I might dance with ya" you can't.

So lets review

nasty toothless skanky chicks will try to grind you
unless your invited you are not Tyra banks so stay off the bar
tables are not for dancing on-remember your drinks are on there and who knows what your shoes have on them.
wear underwear with a skirt, don't dance like a stripper, and don't let your friends act stupid
your ok to dance with other men as long as your SO doesn't mind
stinky old gross men want to dance with you. you can if you want but it's really not fair to give them false hope.

I'm out!
S.